Are you secretly in love with a woman?

Why is this happening to me?

That’s the million-dollar question and one that experts are hotly debating. Some think that women are drawn to one another because of an emotional empathy, an ability to share feelings and a greater understanding of their bodies and sexual desires. But the latest theory is that female sexuality is more fluid than first thought and women aren’t necessarily conscious of any change until it happens.

Does this mean I've been living a lie?

No. You may have always known you were attracted to women, but never acted on those feelings until now, when you’re more self-aware and confident. Or you may feel as if you’ve just fallen in love with a person who happens to be a woman – that your feelings are specific to that person.

But why now?

You’ve probably already made big life changes: to marry, to have kids, to divorce, to change careers. You’re more open-minded. And now you’re less worried about what people think. When you look back on your life and how satisfying it is for you, you find an opportunity to take a second look at what you want and feel like.

But I've kissed my best friend...

More women than you’d think have experimented with a girlfriend. Now is the time to explore your sexuality. Be honest. You’re a woman who kissed another woman. That doesn’t make you a lesbian.

What if I fantasise about being with a woman?

You’re not necessarily losing your desire for men, you’ve just added a new fantasy to your sex life. Fantasies are normal. This might be a fantasy you’ve been suppressing and your subconscious is bringing it up. Remember, a fantasy is just that. It doesn’t mean you’ll act on it.

My family would be horrified if I came out

Of course, you don’t want to hurt people you love, for them to turn their back on you, or for your children to be teased. Just be as open as you can and ready to explain your feelings and deal with theirs until your loved ones understand.