How to talk about sex: expert advice from Tracey Cox

Sex and relationship expert and TV presenter, Tracey Cox, said:

“Nothing will improve your sex life more than learning to open up about what you need and want to be satisfied. Talking about sex isn't just a turn-on; by being honest about your needs and wants, you'll improve your relationship.

“This means talking to your partner about what turns you on or off, your feelings, concerns about contraception or any trust issues. What you like best during foreplay, what you would like to try and what's definitely off the table.”

“Many people aren’t sure about how to initiate the conversation even though they want to talk about sex. So here’s some tips to break the ice:

● Don't talk when you're both stressed, drunk or distracted. Save it for when you're feeling close and intimate and before you end up in bed together. And talk face to face and use eye contact and let them know you’re listening. Good communication needs time set aside.

● Work from the positive. This is crucial. Always start by telling your partner what they're doing right, what you like or what turns you on before moving onto what you don’t like or feel isn’t OK in your relationship. Try not interrupt. Let them finish and then respond with how you feel. And think ahead before speaking.

● Remember the first conversation you have is the hardest. You may feel a bit embarrassed or uncomfortable. But once couples have broken the ice and start talking about sex, it's hard to shut them up! You'll wonder why you ever worried opening up!

● Remember listening is as, if not more, important than talking. Try not to have a knee-jerk reaction to things. If you feel upset by something they've said, calmly repeat back what you think they have just told you. Compromise is key and the whole point of talking about relationships is to reach an agreement,

● Remember the two keys words for any discussion: communication and compromise. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' so avoid laying blame for any problems and instead approach them as an 'us' issue rather than 'you need to sort that out' type conversations.”

For more information on Tracey Cox, visit her website at www.traceycox.com

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